Bjørn Smestad - being gay

(1997:)
I was 14 years old when I first realized that I was probably gay. I was 24 when I told my parents. It probably was a shock to them, but they have accepted it. At the time of writing this, I am 25, and in the last four months, I have told my best friend, the rest of the family, and then all of my other friends. And now: the entire world...

I don't know what kind of reaction I had expected. People react differently, of course, but most of my friends said something like: "Well, that wasn't exactly a surprise!". I wonder why I waited 10 years if this was what I was to be afraid of. But of course, it was important to me to accept myself before telling others. In this, it was great to have the Internet. As a matter of fact, I never met anyone I knew was gay before I came out. But I saw a lot of gay-related homepages on the internet, and also mailed a few gay people. In a certain period it is very important to see that there are other gay people out there - and to see that they are happy and proud.

I don't know if I was really unhappy very much of the time these ten years. I probably was just a little bit more lonely than others. But I didn't really think much about finding Mr. Right and live happily ever after - when I had never met another gay person (or so it seemed), I couldn't expect romance. So that's one of the nice things about being out: if I meet Mr. Right, he will at least know I'm gay, so we may get go know each other better if he likes me...

I have just been to Paris with some friends, and they joined me when I went to a gay book-shop. It's not that I actually need friends around me when I'm shopping, but this particular time, I had the beautiful feeling that they accepted me for who I am. Half a year ago, I would have tried to hide if I happened to see a friend in a gay book-store...

I could write a lot about the coming out-experience (and I probably will), but at the moment this will have to do.

Hm, suddenly 1998 has arrived, and lots of things have happened. One year ago, only Mom and Dad knew I was gay, now even my pupils know. Of course, I should have realized that they would - being out on the Net is not particularly smart if you want to keep it to yourself... (But then, my pupils write jokes about me on the net, too, probably thinking I will not see it - some day we must realize that the net is available not only on the other side of the globe, but also at your school or in your neighbourhood...)

I'm still happy and proud. At first, my pupils talked a lot about me (maybe they still do...) and I got a few (anonymous) emails that was not particularly pleasant. But nobody seems to hate me, and everybody seems to understand that I'm able to teach even though I'm gay... :-)

Somewhere between 5 and 10 per cent of all human beings are gay. But being a young gay boy or girl is not easy. For some, it is so difficult that they commit suicide. To avoid this, I think all of us gays who have accepted ourselves, should show the rest of the world that we are many and that we are happy and proud. In that way it would be easier for the young ones to accept themselves, and to live happily ever after... (Ok, i know I'm naiive, but at least I mean it well) :-)

Oops - now it's already (May) 1999. I didn't expect this page to develop in the way it does, but who cares... A lot of things have happened in the last year. First and foremost, I have met Mr. Right etc. etc., and we have actually been boyfriends for more than a year. Second, I have moved about 2000 km. away from him. Not the smartest thing to do, perhaps, but the job was one I couldn't refuse. We manage to keep in touch quite well.

The move also means that I have moved from a small city (Oslo, Norway's capital, 500.000 inhabitants), to an even smaller place (Alta, 20.000 inhabitants). I know of only one more gay man in the entire place...

My students seem to take my being gay quite well. (They are age 18-48 or something like that). There are no problems at all, in fact. (Only the other day, I received another message from the last school I worked, which seemed to suggest that the poor boys have still not come over the shock of having a gay teacher... it's always nice to be remembered...)

(Perhaps I'll write again in a year or so?)

December, 2000: As I am moving this text from one page to another, I thought I might as well update the story: still living in Alta, but "suddenly single" (which is of course also the title of the television program of Bridget Jones' mother - don't tell me I don't know literature...) I'm quite happy at the moment, thank you, but if Mr. Right turned up, I wouldn't turn him down...
September, 2003: I moved back to Oslo two months ago. I'm working at the University College here, which takes most of my time, but I'm also spending a lot of time with friends. Oh, it's wonderful to be back - more friends, more cinemas, more museums, more cafes. Of course I miss some of the people from Alta, but I will see them once in a while...

And I'm still single - undeservedly single, as I like to call it...

Last edited December 17th, 2000.
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